"Peace on Earth," part three

When someone hurts you, or pisses you off, what do you do? I’m always tempted to be nasty back…if they blew me off, I want to blow them off. If they said something mean, I want to say something meaner. If they cut me off, I want to mutter rude things under my breath and give them a glare. But that’s really not the way to go. It’s too obvious if you just up and sock them. It’s better if you get them kinda sneaky.

Just the thought of confrontation makes me nervous and sweaty, so the thought of underhand retribution is much more enticing. You know, subtlety. Passive-aggressive, maybe. High-handed; polite but condescending. Yeeessss. Much better. Give them the old “I’m the better person; not stooping to your level; they just want attention because their life is such a mess; I’m so much better than they are.” That’ll show ‘em. Kill ‘em with your righteousness.

Unfortunately, Jesus tends to frown on that. Sweet little baby Jesus was all about peace, right? Peace on earth, goodwill towards men, the angels said at his birth. Peace on earth.

The grownup Jesus was a little more specific. In Matthew, right after he finished the Beatitudes, he said this: “If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” (Matthew 5:23-24)

At my church, we’re big on Biblical conflict resolution. Our primary directive comes from Matthew 18, where Jesus said, “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love. Take this most seriously... What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this.”

It works, but it’s not much fun. The worst part is how you have to be nice and loving toward them, and humble. That’s the worst! When you really just want to be smug or passive-aggressive. I’ve had some practice on this. Too much, some might say.

But I get it. Really, I do. I’ve totally bought into this idea of speaking up and telling people when they’ve hurt me, and doing it in a loving and constructive way.

One time, almost unbelievably, I did end up with a friend because I went through this process: a stranger went from being very angry to being my friend.

To be continued …