Knowledge vs Obedience

Naturally, it’s easier to say than do. Saying only takes a few muscles; doing takes much more energy.

Last night I started to get into it with someone. They were being a jerk, and I got mad. I wanted to “bop” them, as my mother-in-law puts it.

And, of course, I immediately thought of that little five-part blog I wrote mere days ago … you know, the one about making allowances for other’s faults, and forgiving anyone who offends you.

Yikes.

Why do I do this to myself?

One of my mentors tells me that we shouldn’t be so eager to learn more about the bible, because we’re responsible to obey what we know. Generally, we have this tendency to want to “know” more without “obeying” more. This mentor always asks me, what’s the level of your obedience, compared to your level of knowledge? Ouch. Did I mention I’m pretty much still working on the “love your neighbor as yourself” bit?

So here I am, sitting at the kitchen counter, running over those verses in my head and still wanting to poke his eyes out (let’s say the object of my frustration was male).

And I didn’t know what to do. I felt pretty helpless, sitting there angry and knowing I needed to let go of the anger, and not knowing how to make it happen. I just kept running over the verses that I’ve been reading the last few weeks … the verses about forgiveness and mercy and grace.

And then I thought of an old story, the story in John 8 where the rabbis of caught a woman in adultery and brought her to be stoned, as the law instructed. They asked Jesus, “should we stone her?” because they wanted to trap him into making a theological mistake.

But Jesus doesn’t say anything. He just leans over and starts tracing his finger through the soft dirt on the ground. He scribbles patterns and dots, running his fingers across the dusty ground. The rabbis, impatient, demand an answer. So Jesus says the now-famous line, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

And the rabbis melt away. Finally the woman is left standing there alone, and Jesus says, “Who is there to condemn you?”

“No one,” she says. “Neither do I condemn you,” Jesus says. “Go your way and sin no more.”

I like the modern interpretation of this story, the one that suggests Jesus may have been writing very specific words in the dirt. That those words may have been the sins of the rabbis, which shamed them into dropping their stones.

As my anger bubbled under my skin, I thought of that woman, and of the person I was upset with. So I climbed off my stool and knelt on the floor in my kitchen, and began to name my own sins … the sins God has forgiven for me. The sins others have forgiven me of.

I am so grateful to have been forgiven. I am so grateful that people I love are so ready to forgive me, to wipe the slate clean. I am able to forgive because I have been forgiven. “Deserving” it isn’t really part of the equation when I have to choose whether or not to forgive and move forward in love.

See? You should be mindful of what you pray for. If you want to be forgiven, God will keep giving you opportunities to learn how to forgive. As CS Lewis said, you can’t be too careful. God is quite unscrupulous.