“Forgiveness and the City”

So I saw this movie the other day, which will remain unnamed so that you don’t (wrongfully) judge me for watching it. See how I look out for you?

Anyway, it’s about friendships and relationships and love. In this movie, a husband cheats on his wife and she leaves him. They’re separated and sharing custody of their son, and he wants to get back together but she can’t bear to even speak to him because of how he has betrayed her. This, I think, is a perfectly fine reaction to a cheating spouse.

So this woman is hurting, and in her hurt, says something devastating to her friend. The friend is wounded enough to not want to talk to her, and refuses to do so for three days. Then the friend leaves her house and the woman is sitting there, waiting for her. Let’s call the woman “Miranda” and the friend “Carrie,” just so you can keep this straight.

Miranda says, Carrie, I can’t stand this. It’s driving me crazy. I’m so sorry I hurt you, you’re my best friend. You can’t shut me out. You HAVE to forgive me.
And Carrie looks at her and says, You say I have to forgive you after three days, but it’s been six months and you still won’t forgive Steve (let’s call the husband “Steve”).

Miranda says, It’s not the same thing.

Carrie says, It’s forgiveness.



To which I say, “Daaaaanngg.”

She’s right.

It’s forgiveness.

How can we, who have been forgiven beyond our own capability to make things right, deny those who ask for it? How can we be so selfish to cling to our own hurt or insult or whatever instead of freely giving that which has already been given to us by God?

Later in the movie, the wife goes to counseling with her husband and he says, I broke a vow, but she did too: she left. She didn’t stay through the “for worse,” she didn’t stay until “death do us part.” (I have to admit I never thought about that part of it. I figured once the marriage was “broke” that gave the other spouse the okay to break it further. But maybe it’s not “broke” as long as you’re still married. Maybe because someone sins against me, it doesn’t give me the right to sin against them.) The wife asks how she can be sure he’ll never cheat again, and the counselor says, You can’t. You can’t be sure he’ll never commit another indiscretion, and you (the husband) can’t be sure she’ll ever really forgive you. The question isn’t “how can you be sure,” the question is, “do you want to make this marriage work?”

I’m no longer in the movie-review business, but movies like this make me wish I was. Who would have thought such an excellent lesson (only one of many) would come from a movie with “City” in the title?